don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
