quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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