I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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