I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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