i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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