I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
