my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
