I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
