Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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