Soap is not a condiment
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
