he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
