So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
