it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
