I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
