You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
