I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
And then he peed in my hair
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