Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
