I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
