You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
