So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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