I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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