i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
