worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
