I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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