I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
