We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
