I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
