Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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