dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
