Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
