U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
