Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
