dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize