I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
