I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize