My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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