and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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