I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
