Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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