Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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