I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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