I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i've created a new STD.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
