insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
