There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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