K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
