I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
