first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
