i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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