mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
