I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize