I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
