3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
