don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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