I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
