I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
