sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
