I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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