Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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