Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
