He is such a slut. More and more my type.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
