I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
