I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
