I wish my penis had an off switch
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
