I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My balls are so social today.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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