Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
