i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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