At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize