Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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