well most of my day revolves around power hour
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
