I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
