Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
