every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
