totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
