I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
