none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
