they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize