we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
